


Girl of [My] Dreams

by Zhana



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, But from Oscar's Point of View, Crushes, Dreams vs. Reality, Existential Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied Sexual Content, Largely a transcription of Volume 6, Specifically from the end of Chapter 4 to the end of Chapter 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-07 05:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhana/pseuds/Zhana
Summary: Who was Oscar Pine? What do fourteen years mean in the face of countless eons of memories? He can think back, close his eyes, and see castles he has never visited as clearly as the farm he grew up on.He can think back, and see people he has never met before, but knows that he has failed them.He can think back, and see the smile of a girl he has never met.





	1. The Coming Storm/Alone in the Woods + A Typical Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this.

Honestly, he wasn't sure which stung more: the chill of the wind biting at his exposed flesh or the lingering sensation of Qrow's fist on his jaw. Neither was remotely pleasant, but given his Aura would keep the blow from bruising, Oscar would have to say the unrelenting cold was worse. Even after all this time, he was still dressed in a ragged old white shirt and equally worn suspenders; clothes suited for life on a hot southern farm, not the frosty northern coast. The wind seemed to be picking up more by the minute, making snow swirl about the group as they marched; a storm would be upon them sooner than later.

In actuality though, the awful weather was a welcome distraction. Or at least, he thought it was. A heavy silence hung over the entire party, each deep within their own thoughts. Oscar had no one to blame but himself for the sullen atmosphere weighing on each of them, but what choice did he have? They had a right to know what they were getting involved in. A right to know what Ozpin... Ozma... what _he_ had been hiding from them. His predecessor. The soul living within him. The man he was said to be the reincarnation of.

He couldn't know what the others were making of what they'd learned, but that was what occupied the forefront of his mind. It felt strange to even think, but he'd gotten used to the voice inside his head pretty quickly. Used to listening to the advice that always sounded _right_ , being guided through recalling memories that he'd never experienced himself, instructed on exercises that he felt exponentially more comfortable with each time. And now it was silent. Sealed off. Gone.

None of the memories he'd been guided through previously had gone even remotely as far back as the vision Jinn had shown them either. His origins. _His_ origins. He wished he could ask _him_ more. Know more of himself than just the most pressing snippets Jinn had shown them. He'd gotten used to hearing _his_ thoughts like his own, the divide now forced into place was frightfully alien, and it left him questioning what he even was. Ozma had lived so many lives, but no one spared a thought for those with whom he was paired. Those lives that he subsumed, unwittingly conscripted into his war.

"I'm just going to be another one of _his_ lives, aren't I?" he'd asked Ruby, looking for some kind of reassurance when she'd handed him Ozpin's cane.

"Of course not," her hands felt warm, cupping the mechanism in his hands, her voice equally compassionate, "you're your own person."

"Don't lie to him Ruby," Qrow cut her off, taking a swig from his flask, barely bothering to glance back at them as he walked by, "we're better than that."

He glanced up, seeing Ruby looking off after her uncle. He hadn't been able to look her in the eye before, and he was glad for it now. Even indirectly, he could see it in the corner of her eyes; she knew that he was right. Oscar pulled his cane from her hands, falling into step after the others.

Who was Oscar Pine? Just a farm boy from the fringes of Mistral? Would anything be left of that boy as he grew up, or would there come the day only _he_ remained? If this war continued beyond his lifetime, would anyone remember him when they met the next "Oz"? Would anyone remember him even if he helped end it? Would it even be him? Okay, maybe the cold wasn't actually that great a distraction.

"Everyone quiet," Ruby's sharp voice cut through his thoughts, silencing them as she did the bickering he hadn't even been paying attention to, "Do you hear that?"

Their collective attention now zeroed in on the high-pitched, metallic creaking that Ruby had first noticed. **"Brunswick Farms"** read the carved sign posted above the rusty red gate they soon found themselves standing before.

"Well, at least one good thing happened today," Blake said, trying to remain positive.

"It looks abandoned," Weiss pointed out, glancing over the gate and the dilapidated, snow-covered buildings beyond.

"It's still better than this," Ruby told her partner, gesturing to the snow blustering around them, still steadily growing in intensity.

"C'mon, I think we could all use some rest," Qrow spoke for all of them, thankful for the chance to get out of the worsening weather. Abandoned or not, shelter was hard to say no to. After the day they'd all had, Oscar was certain he wasn't alone in just how _tired_ he felt.

The wind picked up, snow growing thicker and visibility through the curtain of white worse with every step they took onto the farm's grounds.

"I don't get it," Ruby said with a worried sigh as they made their way to the main homestead at the end of the road, "the empty towns I passed through were all damaged, or unfinished. But this place looks... fine," she concluded as they stepped up onto the patio.

"Maybe everyone left in a hurry? Before things took a turn?" Weiss suggested, voice shuddering as she clutched her body, shivering against the cold.

Qrow reached out, giving the doorknob a turn, letting out a thoughtful hum when he found it locked, advising they, "Stay on guard."

Oscar took out his cane, a quick press of the lever deploying the sturdy shaft, clutching it defensively as he followed Weiss in last after Qrow kicked the door in. The old house creaked and groaned as the party formed up in a circle around the door, Oscar taking the left flank as they each scoped out the interior for any potential danger.

"Close the door already!" the shrill, annoyed cry cut through the tension, and they each turned to see the elderly Maria Calavera limping in after them, "It's cold enough in here as it is."

Oscar dropped his cane to the floor, balancing it neatly between his hands as he watched the old woman stomp into the house. He didn't even spare a thought to how natural it felt holding it like that.

"I saw a chimney from the outside; maybe we could get a fire going?" Blake said after helping Oscar push a dresser into place, bracing the busted door shut.

" _Please_ ," Weiss agreed emphatically, "I'll look for some blankets."

"Yang, go with her," Qrow instructed, the group splitting up to inspect their temporary lodgings.

Following after Weiss and Yang, Oscar opened the door next to the staircase the two of them ascended, eyes narrowing as he inspected the darkened room, trying to discern what was inside.

"Looks like... a study? Or a library?" he called out to the others.

Stepping inside, he looked around, eyes gradually adjusting to the minimal lighting. A couple couches, a couple chairs, a chest, several shelves filled with books lining the walls, and even the fireplace that Blake had spotted. Before he could call out that finding to the others however, the gentle background noise of creaking wood and wind against the walls was split by a horrified scream.

"Weiss!" Oscar heard Ruby cry out.

Rushing out of the room, he just barely caught sight of a tell-tale red blur disappearing up the stairs, Blake following right behind her. Tense with fear for a moment, he was slower to follow after them, looking down the hall from the landing to see Blake, Ruby and Qrow crowded inside the entryway of one room. He could hear Weiss hyper-ventilating, crying, _whimpering_ ; the sounds making the feeling of dread felt from her scream grow worse with every step he took. Arriving at the door, he could see Weiss and Yang on the floor, apparently safe. Slowly, he raised his gaze, looking over Blake's shoulder, eyes widening at the cause of their panic.

Two long-dead, practically mummified corpses, lying in the bed.

Qrow was the first to move into action, Oscar quickly stepping closer to the wall as the man rushed out, practically flying down the hall and stairs. Seconds later, he heard a clatter of the dresser being moved, and the door being thrown open.

Once the rest of them had recovered from their shock, they made their way back downstairs, fixing the door into place once more, before moving into the study to get a fire going. There they waited, each trying to process what they'd witnessed. Weiss sat in front of the fire, still shaking, startling briefly when Blake draped a blanket over her before retreating to sit with Yang on one of the couches. Oscar stood near the doorway, glancing between the entrance and Ruby, who was pacing nervously beside her partner. They waited until they heard the door open and be sealed shut again, watching attentively as Qrow wandered into the study, brushing the snow from his shoulders.

"...it's the same in every house," he spoke somberly, noticing the collective eyes on him.

"What?" Yang's voice was hushed in horror.

"Bodies. Every bed, in every home," Qrow confirmed, walking by his nieces to crouch by the fire, "It's like the whole estate just went to sleep and never woke up."

"Then we're not staying here... right?" Weiss asked as he knelt down beside her.

"We don't have a choice. Storm outside's only getting worse; we'd freeze to death before we made it anywhere," he told her as he warmed his hands by the flames.

A silence fell over them as the thought of having to share a home with the mysterious corpses settled in. The sound of a cane against the wood floor finally broke the silence.

"Welp, might as well get comfortable," Maria spoke with hardly a care in the world, hobbling over to a bookshelf to take a gander at the tomes.

"Yeah, fat chance," Yang muttered.

"Okay then," Ruby spoke up, "let's do something. If this place wasn't abandoned, it might still have supplies we could use."

Oscar found himself smiling at her optimism, taking a step closer as he nodded in agreement, "Hey, yeah! Maybe even a car?"

"I'll do another sweep of the grounds," Qrow said, rising from the fireplace, "No one else goes _anywhere_ , alone," he told them firmly, making his way back to the exit.

"Yang and I can search the other buildings for vehicles," Blake said, rising from her partner's side.

Oscar couldn't help but notice the blonde in question roll her eyes as he looked past Blake.

"Fine," she snapped tensely, standing as well, "whatever gets me out of this house."

He watched the two take their leave, Ruby following behind to seal the door shut after them. His attention was drawn back to the fire when he noticed Weiss moving to stand, quietly walking past him to stand in the doorway until Ruby took notice of her. Well, as quietly as one could in three-inch heels at least.

"Food always makes me feel better?" he heard Ruby say from the other room with a weak laugh, "Just sayin'..."

"...right," Weiss responded after a moment, walking the rest of the way out of the study, presumably following her partner elsewhere.

The whole thing struck Oscar as a bit odd, frowning in thought as he watched them disappear from the sight of the doorframe. Weiss had seemed so cold, he was surprised she'd want to leave the fireside.

"I'll tell you what," he was pulled from his musings by Maria's voice at the other side of the room, "you keep that fire fed... and I'll find us a story to read before bed."

He watched her wander back from a bookshelf with one in hand, popping it open after sitting herself down on the couch. He hung his head with a resigned sigh; not like there seemed to be anything else for him to do at the moment. Unfortunately, she didn't seem particularly keen on sharing the fine details of the potential story she was looking into, leaving Oscar to tend to the fire in silence.

Silence, like when they'd made the trek from the crash site to the farm in the first place. Silence that let his thoughts roam freely again. Briefly, he thought about the corpses upstairs; how had they died? Grimm? He wasn't very experienced, but he didn't know of any that didn't just maul their victims. Poison? Some kind of gas? It didn't take long though for the primal fear of whatever happened to the farmers to give way to the existential fears already filling his mind. After all, what use was fearing for a life that might not even be his for much longer?

Ruby and Weiss eventually returned with some cans of food, both seeming a bit cheerier than when they'd left. Blake and Yang followed not long after with news they'd found a trailer they could hitch to Yang's bike to carry them all in the morning, both seeming a bit more worn down than when they'd left. The group ate a meal of lukewarm beans in silence, and with others around to tend the fire, Oscar took to pacing around by the bookshelves, any bit of activity to keep his own thoughts at bay. Looking down at the couch, he took note of the book Maria was reading; the third such she'd been silently working away at all night, his curiosity finally winning out against her silence.

"It's... a diary?"

"The head of this household, Bartleby," she confirmed, "Apparently he and several other families founded this little settlement, to try and live on their own. It sounds like it worked," she gestured to the side table where she'd stacked the two diaries she'd already read through, "at least, for a spell."

"Grimm?" It wasn't as much of a question as he made it sound.

"Just one of many hardships," Maria said with a sad shake of her head, "slowed down their farming, made everything harder. It's a shame really, he seemed like quite the ambitious fellow," Oscar moved to sit down against the chest they'd placed in front of the couch, gladly enraptured by the story, "always thinking of new schemes to overcome the odds-"

"Hey guys," Ruby's voice cut through the relative silence of the study as she walked in, "Qrow said we should get some sleep. We're gonna head out early tomorrow."

"Thank goodness," Blake mumbled tiredly, rising from the fire with her other two teammates.

Turning around, Oscar cracked open the chest, pulling out the blankets they'd found inside earlier, distributing them to the weary girls before grabbing one himself.

"Hmph, the last thing you'll catch me doing is letting some kid tell me what to _do_ ," he couldn't help but crack a smile at Maria's cantankerous mutterings as she crossed the room, "'Get in bed!'" she spoke mockingly with a dismissive bluster, switching on the lamp by the chair in the corner as she sat down to continue reading.

Her casual demeanor and the sight of her calmly continuing to read was a welcome bit of levity against the oppressive tension that had weighed on them throughout the night. Oscar found it comforting, as he picked a spot by the fire to lay himself down, pulling his blanket over himself. Sleep was so very welcome after the day he'd had, and he was just so very tired...

* * *

 

_"Ozma... Ozma... O~zma~, wake u~p..."_

_The scent of lavender hung in the air, calming and insisting I that return to sleep. Yet the soft voice calling my name is more insistent still. My eyes crack open, blinking as they adjust to the warm light of morning, I let out a soft groan as I roll onto my back. And there she was, propped up with one arm against her pillow, long blonde hair seeming to shine in the morning rays filtering through the window, turquoise eyes sparkling like jewels as she smiles down at me. She is beautiful._

_"Good morning," I greet her with another groan and a tired smile._

_"Good morning," she replied with a warm laugh, leaning over to peck my lips faintly._

_The press of her lips against my own draws me further from sleep, my body rising to follow after them as she pulled away, her night dress falling around her body as she moves off of our bed._

_"What shall we do today?" I ask, sitting up, watching as she fished her day clothes from the dresser near her side._

_"How about we start with breakfast?" she suggested as she changed._

_"You wanna make it?"_

_"Sure!" she replied with a laugh, securing her skirt in place with a jeweled broach, "Eggs alright?"_

_I mirror her laughter, smiling fondly as my gaze follows her walking around the bed towards the stores in the adjacent room, "Just try not to burn them too badly this time."_

_"Hey," she stopped at the corner, my heart stuttering at the pout she shoots back at me, "it's not my fault I never learned how to cook before. I'm getting better every day!" her expression returned to a bright smile before she disappeared behind the wall, "Practice makes perfect!"_

_I let out another soft chuckle before turning to get out of bed myself, making my way to my own dresser to change. Once in a fresh outfit, I turned to find Salem standing by the stove, cooking a couple eggs in a frying pan._

_"Do we have any bread left?" I ask, placing a hand on her hip, leaning in to peck her cheek as she concentrated on the eggs._

_"Hmm, not sure," she replied, gesturing to the cupboard, "Why? Did you want some toast? Or just to soak some in your eggs?"_

_"That depends on if there's anything left of the yoke..." I whisper to myself, crossing the room._

_"What was that?" her amused tone makes it clear she'd heard me, looking back over her shoulder._

_"I said it depends on if we have any butter or not!" I face her, grinning, knowing I've been caught._

_"Mhmm. Well, I'm more certain that we don't have any butter left."_

_"Soaked in egg-yolk it is," I say, fishing the last scraps of a loaf from our cupboards, "Did you want any?"_

_"Please."_

_We sat at our table, eating our simple meal, chatting and planning the day ahead of us, when our morning is interrupted by knocking on the door. Rising from the table, I go to open it, greeting a man dressed in regal garb; a messenger from the king's court._

_"Good morn'! I've come with a missive for the Heroes Ozma and Salem!" he announced, handing a scroll over to me, "The King requests your presence at once."_

_I glance at the scroll with a grin, nodding to the messenger, "Please, tell him we'll be there posthaste."_

_Nodding in turn, the messenger took his leave, mounting a nearby horse to depart for the castle in the distance. Closing the door, I'm still wearing my grin as I turned back to Salem, holding the scroll up._

_"Seems we've found what to do with our day."_

_"And I was looking ever-so forward to going shopping to refill our cupboards," she muses with sarcastic disappointment._

_In but a moment, I've donned my armor, ready to depart for the castle._

_"Forgetting something?"_

_I twist around just in time to catch my prized cane when Salem tosses the silver rod to me. Dropping the bottom to the floor, letting the jewel topper rest comfortably in my palm, I hold my free hand out to her with a smile._

_"Shall we?"_

_"Onward," she replied, taking my hand in her own, "to our next adventure!"_

_The world felt hazy as the two departed for the castle in the distance, the clear images of the happy couple and their quaint cottage slowly fading into darkness..._


	2. Alone in the Woods/The Grimm Reaper + Parents

"Weiss... Weiss... Wei~ss, wake u~p!"

Oscar groaned, tensing up as the veil of sleep slowly gave way to consciousness. He could hear the sounds of the others around him likewise stirring, something about the goading voice he could hear a few feet away vaguely familiar.

"Mmm, five more minutes..." Weiss mumbled sleepily, a sentiment he could definitely share.

"Wei~ss," Ruby whined again, "c'mon, we already overslept! Didn't you want to get out of here last night?"

He really, _really_ didn't want to, but slowly Oscar forced himself to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Looking around the room, he saw Ruby kneeling down beside Weiss, lightly shaking her partner who was weakly swatting at her with one arm. Yang was up languidly stretching by the door, while Blake was sitting on the couch, watching Ruby trying to rouse Weiss with a faint smile. Maria was slouched over in the same chair she'd been in when they went to sleep, book in her lap as she dozed.

"Fine, fine, I'll get up..."

Nodding in approval when her partner sat up at last, Ruby turned, blinking and waving when she noticed Oscar was sitting up too, "Oh, morning Oscar! Uh... sleep okay?" she asked.

He'd begun to lift his hand and wave back, but found himself frozen at the question. The dream that had almost begun to fade back into his subconscious was suddenly fresh and vivid in his mind. No, not just a dream. A memory, he was sure of it. He could recall it even more clearly than the visions Jinn had shown them just yesterday.

"Oh, uh... I slept alright," he answered, hand instead moving to awkwardly rub the back of his head, "Or, well... as alright as can be, I guess."

Ruby nodded; if she found anything odd about his answer, she likely chalked it up to the circumstances and nothing more. Moving to stand, she helped Weiss to her feet as well -dragged, more accurately- the two then making their way to the exit.

"We're gonna go get the trailer hooked up to Bumblebee, could you wake Miss Calavera?" she asked, glancing back to Oscar, gesturing to the elderly woman still asleep in the chair before walking out.

Every moment since waking up felt like a struggle, his body urging him to just lie back down and go to sleep as he woke Maria before making his way out onto the patio. He took a seat on the stairs next to Blake, who had her arms wrapped around her curled legs, resting her head against them tiredly. Slouching forward himself, they watched the others work; Yang supervising Weiss welding a mounting bracket onto the back of her bike. No one seemed to have much energy to spare at all, what little motions they made being tired and sluggish. Rather than feeling more awake, every passing moment seemed to sap at what little energy any of them had when they woke up.

"There," Weiss said, finishing the weld.

"Can we just go back to bed?" Oscar asked, giving voice to the incessant weariness he suspected they all felt.

"If we're all so tired, maybe we should make breakfast?" Blake suggested.

"You wanna make it?" Oscar asked. He thought he heard an echo in the back of his mind, but was too exhausted to pay it much attention.

"Not really..."

Ruby and Qrow pushed the trailer up towards the bike, Ruby walking around to stand beside her sister.

"You guys got the bike ready?" she asked, Yang only making a tired little hum as she gestured to the freshly-attached mount.

"Well, it's done now, so let's hook this thing up an-" Qrow lifted a foot up against one of the trailer's tires, the sound of the opposite tire popping reverberating through the air.

They all watched the man growl in frustration, stalking around to the other side to check the deflated tire.

"You people are just beacons for bad luck, aren't you?" Maria commented, stepping out of the house.

Stomping away at the unknowingly insensitive words, Qrow sat down in the snow by a pile of wood, fishing his flask out of his coat as he sulked.

"I'm starting to think the universe just doesn't want us getting to Atlas," Yang muttered, lowering herself to sit against the well in the middle of the courtyard.

Ruby sighed, "It's just a flat tire; I'm sure there's a spare."

"It's not just that," her sister shot back, "it's _everything_. Storms, crashes, monsters... I'm so tired..."

"Me too," Oscar glanced at Blake as she spoke up beside him, her voice a tired whine, "it feels like we're _always_ having to fight to get by..."

"Yeah... but that's what we signed up for," Ruby argued.

"We signed up to try and save the world," Oscar said himself, looking away from Ruby after speaking up, bitterly thinking about how he hadn't actually volunteered for anything, "not just... delay the inevitable."

A moment of silence hung over them at the reminder of the futile nature of their quest they'd been made aware of only yesterday before the next voice spoke.

"Last night, I..." Weiss clutched her arm, unable to look Ruby in the eye at first, "I couldn't stop thinking. Why are we even going to Atlas?"

They'd each had their doubts after learning what they had, but now the question plaguing them all was out in the open. Glances were exchanged as they each mulled over their thoughts anew. Why? Why bother continuing, knowing in the end their efforts would likely be in vain? Why fight against something that could not be stopped?

Concern briefly flitted across Ruby's features, before she set her worry aside for the moment, hardening resolutely, "Weiss, we _have to._ "

"Why?" Yang repeated that ever-important question as she moved to stand, "Ozpin hid the Relics behind giant doors, under enormous schools. But... how long would it take Salem to find a lamp in the middle of nowhere?"

"But-" Ruby sputtered uncertainly, "the Grimm might-"

"They'd find it eventually, sure. But bury it, or just throw it down the well, it would take years. It might not even happen in our lifetime," she took an almost threatening step closer to her little sister, "But we could be done with it _now._ "

Oscar remained where he sat even as Blake stood up, walking over to stand before Ruby with the rest of her team as their leader unclipped the Relic from her belt. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he heard a voice screaming as she appeared to consider her sister's words, moving to hold the lamp out over the edge of the well. But he was so utterly tired, he couldn't bring himself to care. Couldn't bring himself to disagree with the suggestion, nor pay attention to the voice telling him this was all wrong. He couldn't find it in him to care when she did drop it, nor for her subsequent panic over doing so.

He swore he could've fallen asleep right there on the stairs, had it not been for Qrow's voice calling to him directly, snapping him from the daze he'd fallen into.

"Hey, farm boy, check the shed for a spare."

"I'm not leaving without the lamp!" Ruby screamed in the face of her team's collective apathy.

Blake let out a heavy sigh after a moment, "I'll go down with you," she said reluctantly.

"We'll go down together," Weiss volunteered, seeming marginally more invested.

"Fine," Qrow rolled his eyes, standing up from his spot, walking back to the house, "Get the stupid lamp. Oscar, fix the stupid tire," he ordered, gesturing to the slumped trailer as he walked by, up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Maria asked as he went past her.

"Where do you think?" he shook his flask at her, disappearing inside.

"Tch, stupid..." the old woman muttered to herself as Qrow slammed the door behind him.

Oscar watched her pull out one of the diaries she'd been reading, taking a seat on the top step. Looking back over the courtyard, he simply kept watching as Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang jumped down the well together, disappearing from sight. After all the bickering, it felt eerily quiet now, just the faint whisper of the wind, and the occasional turn of the page. Letting out a deep, miserable sigh, Oscar forced himself to his feet, practically dragging them through the snow to the shed Qrow had told him to check.

He really would have liked nothing more than to just go back to sleep, but now that he was at least a little awake, he would rather not do so in this damn creepy farmhouse. Looking through the dilapidated storage shed, he felt a pang of longing as he thought back to his aunt's farm, how he missed where he'd grown up. How was she doing? Was she worried? He shook his head as he looked through the dusty shelves, that line of thinking wouldn't do him any good. He couldn't go back. He had a mission to see through. A mission he... hadn't even wanted.

Eventually finding a spare tire and an air pump, he wheeled them both back out to the courtyard. He didn't notice that Maria wasn't on the stairs anymore as he set to work swapping out the tires. The task helped distract him from his previous line of thinking, busying himself with taking off the damaged tire, attaching the spare in its place, and setting the pump up to inflate it. Once he had everything in place though, the sound of the air compressor rumbling beside him did little to dissuade his thoughts from wandering again.

Maybe he should just go home? He'd left because he'd been convinced it was his destiny; that he was set to inherit the legacy of the famed Professor Ozpin. It had been frightening at first, but it had felt right. At first. And the voice in his head that told him to press on was also correct, he had wanted more out of life than just working on his aunt's farm. But now, knowing what he did, knowing the full truth of _his_ past, knowing that he'd just be a cliff note on the epic tapestry of Ozma's life, did it really matter if he quit? Went home, lived out his life in peace, let the next guy worry about the futility of trying to save the world. It wasn't like his voice was even acknowledging him anymore.

Letting out a sigh, he slumped forward, resting his head against the rim of the wheel well. He was so tired of it all. Maybe he could get some rest on the trailer once they were underway? Take a nap, maybe even have another dream about her. He snapped up in surprise when he realized he'd been smiling at that thought. In his exhaustion, he'd almost forgotten about the memory he'd relived in his sleep, but now it was brought to the forefront of his mind once again.

Salem. The queen who controlled the Grimm. The enemy all Huntsmen and Huntresses unknowingly fought against. The immortal he'd been brought into conflict with, knowing there was no way to defeat her. The woman who had led the old world to ruin trying to spite the Gods. The girl who had been rescued from captivity, and journeyed together with her savior.

Oscar was fourteen. He'd never been in love. If you'd asked him just yesterday what love was, his best guess would've been the simple attraction most his age felt. But with that memory fresh in his mind, he knew better now. The warmth of that little cottage, the light playing off her features, the casual intimacy of their morning, the simple joy of belonging; the feeling of being _home_. That was love, he was sure of it. And he wanted to feel that again.

He didn't wonder if he would find someone to forge that kind of bond in his lifetime. Didn't hope that he might be able to make new memories together with someone. At that moment, he just wanted to delve deeper into the eons of memories buried in his very soul, he wanted to see more of that girl with the glittering turquoise eyes.

Before his thoughts could follow that trail much further though, he began to pick up on something over the noise of the compressor. Muffled, at first, muddied even more by the noisy machine beside him, but he eventually realized it was his name being called from inside the house. Perking up, he turned just in time to see Maria, Yang and Blake rushing out the door. Hadn't Yang and Blake gone down the well? How had they gotten inside the house?

"Oscar! We have to go, _now!_ " Yang barked at him as she ran past.

The absolute panic in her eyes spurred him back into action, quickly finishing with the pump, capping off the tire, "What about Ruby? Weiss? Qrow?"

His question was answered a moment later as Ruby and Weiss dragged Qrow out of the house, a plume of dark smoke rising up out of the door behind them. They sat him down at the back of the trailer, Oscar mimicking them in gripping the railings on one side as Yang revved her bike, tearing out of the courtyard, leaving the burning building long behind them. It was only once they were well underway that Oscar realized he didn't feel as tired anymore. It wasn't until they couldn't even see the smoke rising in the distance anymore that he at last learned why.

He read through Bartleby's final diary as Maria explained about the Grimm they'd discovered beneath the estate - The Apathy. Abominations which drained the very will to go on from those that encountered them. Weiss was the first to speak up, apologizing for her behaviour back at the farm, even knowing she wasn't in her right mind. Yang was quick to follow, with Blake reiterating the fault of the monsters in the sewer tunnels.

Oscar remained quiet. Was it really that simple? Were all the doubts that had weighed on his mind this morning so easily explained away by these Grimm? Did he not still want to go home? And even if their power was the cause of his exhaustion, his desire to give up, there was still the matter of his thoughts lingering on something -some _one_ \- who lay only ahead.

He was glad for the distraction that came in the form of Maria explaining her past, giving the old woman his full attention as he had the night before. He'd never heard of the Grimm Reaper, and while her own words were heavily laced with self-depreciation, the foreign tone of reverence which filled Qrow's voice when he spoke about her was more than convincing. They drove all day long, the tale of how Maria lost her eyes making the time pass by blissfully fast.

Soon they had arrived at the coastal city of Argus, standing beneath its towering border wall as Yang parked her bike in a public garage.

"Cute! Boy! OZ!"

Oscar blinked, picking up a voice over the general noise of the crowd. His eyes went wide as he turned just in time to be tackled to the ground by Nora.

"Oh, c'mere!" she crooned, squeezing him tight where she'd pinned him down.

He couldn't make out whatever she said next, too distracted by the pain in his head brought on by his abrupt introduction to the ground. He sat up when she rolled off him, groaning as he clutched his sore head, slowly moving to get up as the others congregated together, reunited with Jaune, Ren and Nora. The three led their friends to a hover-trolley, providing an impromptu tour of the city, and when they disembarked, they were met by Jaune's elder sister, Saphron, learning that she had been housing them since they'd arrived in the city yesterday. The day wound to a close in a warm, welcoming home, with fresh sandwiches prepared by their friends; a vast improvement over the prior evening.

Though Jaune warned of their own failed attempt to secure passage to Atlas, plans were made to visit the military base in the morning. Which just left the matter of sleeping arrangements for the night.

"We only have two guest rooms, sorry to say," Saphron's wife, Terra, told them as they cleaned up after dinner, "and Jaune, Ren and Nora are already taking up one of them."

"Oh! Well, we could just spread out around the living room?" Ruby suggested.

"If you'd be fine with that..."

"Bah," Maria scoffed, "give me a nice enough chair and I'll be just fine."

"Uh, if you're sure, then I have a pretty nice desk chair in my office? There's also the one in Adrian's nursery, but I wouldn't want him keeping you up."

"Nonsense! I'd be fine keeping an eye on him while we're here; least I can do in return for your hospitality."

"Oh, you don't have to do tha-" Saphron started to say, before noticing her baby giggling and reaching out to paw at the old woman's prosthetic eyes. Smiling wryly, she passed him over to her, satisfied that he seemed quite content held just out of reach of the apparatus, "I guess that settles that."

"Which leaves the second guest room for you two?" Terra said, looking over to Qrow and Oscar, "Second door up the stairs."

Qrow nodded, muttering his thanks before staggering up the stairs. While Maria remained downstairs helping Saphron and Terra tidy up as RWBY began settling into the living room, Jaune, Nora, Ren and Oscar wished everyone a good night, heading upstairs after Qrow. Exchanging another round of good nights with the three as they entered the first door after the landing, Oscar continued on to the second room.

The inside was simple and neat, as one might expect of a guest bedroom. There were two beds on opposing sides of the room; one underneath the window looking out onto the street, the other against the adjoining wall, each with an end table beside them with a single dresser between them. Qrow had already claimed the bed beneath the window for himself, lying on his side atop the comforter, facing out the window. Oscar wasn't sure if he was staring out into the night or already trying to sleep, but given he'd left the light off, elected to remain quiet as he shut the door behind him.

Setting his pack by the foot of the bed, he slipped under the covers, wincing as soon as his head hit the pillow. He hadn't realized how sore he still was from when Nora had tackled him. The jolt of pain as he settled into bed brought him back to that moment, a realization striking him about something that had been nagging him all evening. "Cute boy Oz." He'd been too distracted for the most part through the evening, but now, in the quiet of the night, he felt alone with his thoughts yet again.

"Cute boy Oz." That's what she'd called him. A few times, now that he thought about it. It hadn't bothered him before; Ozma had found it a bit patronizing, but he'd thought it an accurate enough description. Now though, the nickname just felt like a reminder of how inconsequential he felt. Just another "Oz."

He let out a sigh, rolling onto his side to stare at the wall. He was tired, and there were no Grimm around to blame it on. He slid his eyes shut, curling in on himself, hoping sleep would come soon. Maybe things would seem better in the morning.

* * *

 

_There's a weight atop my body that makes it a bit hard to breathe, even as my chest heaves, panting to try and fill my lungs. I'm not bothered by the weight though; it's soft, warm, comforting. A shiver passes through me as it shifts, rubbing against my bare skin. Looking down, I see a head of pure white lying on me; flowing locks glittering like silver, illuminated by the reflected light of the shattered moon. Turning, she raises her head to look up at me, ashen skin seeming ethereal in the moonlight, my heart skipping a beat as I stare back into her deep red eyes, smoldering like flames nestled in the shadows. She is beautiful._

_"Doing alright there?" she asks, smiling at me sweetly._

_"Little trouble catching my breath," I admit with a slight groan._

_She blinks, looking briefly confused, before understanding dawns on her, and she lets out an amused laugh. Shifting, I feel the softness of her body slide off my chest, settling in against my side instead, "Better?"_

_I let out a slightly relieved sigh, nodding as I take in an easy breath, "Yes, thank you."_

_One of my arms wraps around her shoulders, hugging her close as she snuggles into my side, my other hand rising to gently grasp the one she had laid over me. I press a kiss to the top of her head as she nuzzles into my neck, settling into the mattress with a content sigh, my eyes sliding shut. I feel her fingers lightly dancing atop my chest, drawing a ticklish chuckle from my lips as she hums against my neck._

_I lose all sense of time as we lie together, at peace, before she again shifts against me. Cracking my eyes open, I watch her rise up beside me, the blanket that had been draped over both of our bodies falling off her back as she lifts a leg, straddling my hips, gazing down at me all the while. I momentarily forget how to breathe entirely as I'm again struck by her radiance shimmering in the moonlight, her lips quirking into a little smirk as her burning eyes stare down at me._

_"Feel up for another?" she asks, her voice a husky whisper, one of her hands trailing lower down my body, the other stroking my hair affectionately._

_I swallow heavily, feeling her body under my hand as it trails lower, down over the curve of her hip, "I think I've had enough of a break."_

_I rise to meet her, bodies brushing together again before our lips meet. It's a fleeting contact at first, but she hungrily seeks another, and another, her arms wrapping around my neck loosely as she suckles at my lips. My hands settle on her hips, gently biting in as I respond in kind, meeting her desire with my own, feeling it build with each brush of our lips against the other's, her tongue slipping out to-_

_Before we can go any further, we're both stunned by the sudden lurch of the door cracking open. Salem pulls back, the smoldering desire in her eyes quickening to an angry inferno which she directs at the entrance to our chambers, immediately triggering a whimper from the servant who had incurred her wrath._

_"What is it?!" she snaps, glaring at the poor maid._

_"A-Apologies your Majesty!" the invading maid bows her head deeply, both in apology, and also I think to avoid looking at the state she's found us in, "I-It's Princess Elsa, she was calling for you... I can tell-tell her that you're in-"_

_The anger immediately vanished from Salem's face, and in an instant she's leapt off of me and out of bed. A snap of her fingers summoned her pitch black robe to cover her body as she strode to the door, rushing out past the maid without another word. Moving to follow her still, I pull on my own favoured blue robe with less dramatic flourish, dismissing the maid as I pass her, making my way down the hall._

_Soon I arrive at another grand door resting ajar, the mingling sounds of distressed sobs and soothing cooing drifting out into the hall. Peeking around the edge of the door, I smile at the sight of my daughter sat upon her mother's lap; blonde hair and blue nightgown standing out against her mother's black robe. I stand there quietly for a moment, watching Salem gently stroke our daughter's head, whispering soothing words, her crying quieting to faint whimpers as she clings to her mother's waist._

_Finally taking notice of me when she raises her head for a moment, Salem beckons me over. I take a seat on the edge of Elsa's bed beside her, reaching a hand out to join hers, petting our child's head. She flinches at the new contact, pulling her face from her mother's chest, looking up at me; a brief look of fear in her red, teary eyes quickly gives way to relief when she recognizes me._

_"Bad dream?" I ask, keeping my voice quiet._

_She nods her head, letting out a distressed whimper as she releases her hold on Salem; my wife's waist soon replaced in her arms by my own. I continue to stroke her head soothingly as she lies across both our laps. Eventually, she quiets entirely, arms going limp around me. Careful as not to wake her, I pick her up in my arms, placing her back on her bed, tenderly pecking her forehead as I pull her blankets back up over her._

_"What was it about?" I ask, turning back to find Salem smiling at me lovingly._

_"I'm not sure, she was too distressed to tell me," she whispers, walking up take my arm in my own, leaning down to peck Elsa's forehead as I did, before pulling me back towards the hall, "How do you think she might react to being a big sister?"_

_"Who can say... but perhaps they can help each other keep the nightmares awa-"_

_I pause, distracted by something out the corner of my eye. I turn, and find myself looking at the mirror of Elsa's vanity; our reflections illuminated in the moonlight. It is not Ozma the God-King that I see arm-in-arm with his Queen. Nor is it Ozma the Hero with his partner. Or even Headmaster Ozpin and his eons-old enemy. I see Oscar Pine staring back at me._

* * *

 

Oscar sprang up from bed in shock, eyes wide, panting for breath. The air felt cool against his skin, and he realized his face was coated in sweat, reaching his hands up to wipe it dry as his breathing steadied. He was Oscar. Not Ozpin. Not Ozma. And yet he had his memories. He had his _soul_. What was happening to him? What would happen to him? For perhaps the millionth time in the last few months, he asked himself why. Why had this happened to him?

Face still held in his hands, he fell back onto his pillow with a groan, praying that things would be better in the morning.

He tried not to think about how, shock aside, he hadn't minded the sight of himself hanging off Salem's arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter next Friday.


	3. Dead End/Lost + Bedside

Things weren't much better in the morning.

Jaune definitely hadn't been exaggerating about things "not going super great." Truly, he had a gift for understatement. The Commander of the Argus Base had literally slammed the gates in their faces (twice) after having stated in no uncertain terms that Weiss was the only one whom they would allow into Atlas. The thought emerged that perhaps it might be best to hand the lamp off to her; have her see the Relic to safety in Atlas' Vault, alone.

"I... don't-" Weiss began to speak hesitantly, perhaps to voice her opinion for or against such an idea.

"Weiss," Ruby cut her off, voice gentle and comforting, "I told you we wouldn't leave your side for a second. We'll find a way to Atlas, together."

Weiss glanced at the hand her partner had placed on her shoulder, before lifting her gaze to stare back into her eyes, managing a slight, lopsided smile as she nodded in agreement. It was a sweet moment, and the peace that could be seen in Weiss' eyes was a far cry from how Oscar had felt after Ruby had tried to comfort him only a couple days ago.

What was the same though, was Qrow drawing everyone's attention as he began to walk away from the gates.

"So... where're we going now?" Ruby turned, watching her uncle leave.

"Yeah, what's the plan?" Nora asked.

"'The plan?'" Qrow stopped in his tracks, shooting a glare over his shoulder, "'The plan' just got shut on our faces three times over! I'm goin' for a drink," he told them with a dismissive wave, continuing back down the road.

Ruby quickly jogged over to catch up to him, "Uncle Qrow, I really think we should try and come up with something-" she stopped, seeing him completely ignore her, watching him leave them behind, defeated, "-together..."

"What's his problem?" Jaune wondered aloud, "It's not your fault we can't go on."

"If he's gonna be a jerk, then we'll just come up with something without him!" Nora declared, "I mean, we've got Ozpin with us; he usually knows what to do!"

Oscar shrank back when she gestured to him, gaze turning downward guiltily. He could feel the gazes of those who already knew the truth on him, the atmosphere growing even more tense than it already was.

"...what is it?" Ren asked, the first to notice the change in the others' demeanor.

RWBY exchanged a worried look between each of them, before Ruby let out a sigh.

"Let's go back to the house, we'll fill you in there," she told them, motioning for the others to follow her. She waited until Weiss had walked up to her side before turning to begin the walk back into the city.

They crossed the bridge in silence. Caught the trolley in silence. It weighed on them every step back to the Cotta-Arc house. They each wondered how to explain what they'd learned to their friends, and how the three might take the revelations. Oscar dreaded, in particular, having to hear the whole story all over again.

When they'd arrived back at the home, and confirmed that their hosts were out for the moment, Ruby began to tell them everything. The Lamp, Jinn, Ozma, his history with Salem, the Gods, the annihilation of Remnant's ancient societies, Salem's corruption, Ozma's return, their reunion and falling out, all of it. All leading up once again to the absolute, crushing truth...

"His last question was 'how do I destroy Salem?' And she told him... 'you can't'," Ruby concluded the tale.

Their three friends were stunned into silence, eyes widened in shock as they processed all that they'd been told. Jaune was the first to seem to regain some sense, his body tensing up, trembling before he let out a roar, throwing one armored fist out, leaving a crater in his sister's wall.

"Jaune!" Ruby cried admonishingly.

"Everything we did was for nothing!" Jaune snapped back, turning to storm across the room, stopping beside Ren, who was leaning against the base of the stairs.

"That's not true," Blake tried to argue from where she sat on the couch.

"Really? 'Cause it sure does sound like it!" Nora retorted bitterly beside her.

"I-I um..."

"If Salem can't be killed, then how're we supposed to win this?" Ren voiced the question that had been on all of their minds for days.

Everyone remained silent, no one yet having an answer. Raising his gaze from where he'd been dejectedly staring at the floor, Oscar looked over at Ruby. Even she, the epitome of optimism, their leader who always had a plan, looked utterly lost.

"Wow, great plan everyone," Jaune muttered, tone thick with frustrated anger.

Oscar felt guilt piling on his shoulders more and more. He'd just wanted to show everyone the truth they deserved; that they had each claimed to want. And in doing so, he'd broken them. Wasn't it his responsibility then, to try and fix things? Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head again, stepping forward towards Jaune, who had turned away from him.

"Look, none of this is great, we know. But we're not the bad guys here," he offered, trying to placate the doubt gnawing at all of them.

"Are we sure about that?" Jaune murmured.

His voice was quiet, but plenty loud enough to stun Oscar, his body feeling suddenly numb, "...what?"

"He's in your head, isn't he?" Jaune turned, deep blue eyes burning with hate as he fixed his gaze on Oscar, stepping closer to him, the others looking on in wide-eyed horror as he crossed the room, "Did you already know about this?"

"He didn't know any of it!" Weiss tried to defend the boy.

Jaune just brushed past her, grabbing Oscar by his suspenders, slamming him roughly against the wall.

"How much longer can we even trust him?" Jaune spat.

"Jaune!" Yang cried out.

"How do we even know it's really him?!" the older boy's voice was growing shrill, rushed and distressed, "What if we've been talking to that liar this whole time?!"

Oscar winced in fear, grunting in pain as Jaune roughly shook him by his collar, his body trapped between the wall and the imposing young man in armor.

"JAUNE!" Ruby's enraged tone cut through the air like a blade, instantly stilling the entire room.

Oscar held his eyes shut tight, raising his hands in surrender as he felt the shaking stop. He didn't see Jaune turn to look back at Ruby, nor see the anger in his face gradually give way to a measure of guilt when he looked back down at him. He only open his eyes again when he felt Jaune's hands release him. Daring to raise his gaze, Oscar saw Jaune's features again hardened in anger, flinching back against the wall when he moved, relaxing only when he stomped up the stairs rather than continue. The sound of a door opening then slamming shut followed shortly.

"Is he... gonna be okay?" Yang asked slowly.

"I don't know!" Nora cried in frustration, rising from the couch to ascend the stairs herself.

"I think it would be best, if we had some time to ourselves," Ren said tensely, following after her.

They watched him in silence, no one speaking until he had disappeared from sight, "Maybe we could... all use some space?" Blake suggested.

Oscar turned, staring at the door. Space. Maybe that's exactly what everyone needed. Maybe that's why Ozpin had gone silent. Refused to speak to him, or anyone. Was he giving them space? Should he do the same?

"What about food?" Weiss said after a moment of quiet, "I think we could all use something to eat after... everything."

"Yeah, food does sound pretty good right about now," Yang said, Blake nodding in agreement.

Ruby let out a deep sigh, nodding her head too, "Alright. You guys go get some food for everyone."

"What about you?" Weiss asked.

"I'll catch up, I'm going to see if I can find out where Uncle Qrow went," Ruby explained, pulling out her scroll.

"Alright. Just in case, what do you want?"

Ruby shrugged tiredly, "Anything's fine."

"Well, I'm sure Saphron and Terra have some salt on-hand," Weiss said, lips quirked into that same lopsided smile as before.

Ruby managed a small smile of her own at her partner before turning away, walking out the glass door to the backyard, Weiss turning to leave out the front door with Blake and Yang.

"You coming Oscar?" Yang asked as she walked by him.

"...yeah, coming," Oscar replied, falling in behind them.

None of them were very well acquainted with the city, so they simply chose a direction and started walking, hoping to find a restaurant or grocery store sooner or later. The three girls were talking amongst each other, but Oscar wasn't really listening; they didn't make any effort to include him in their conversation anyway. Eventually, he just stopped. He stood perfectly still, watching as the three continued along, not even noticing that he wasn't following them anymore. He didn't know if they were just too preoccupied by whatever they were talking about, too distracted by their own inner thoughts, or just genuinely didn't care. It didn't make any difference to him either. Letting out a sigh, he turned and began walking in a different direction.

No one cared, that was probably it. They hadn't cared if he followed or not, and probably wouldn't care that he wasn't anymore. If they ever even noticed, anyway. No one had cared about Jaune assaulting him either. Sure, they'd yelled, cried out in horror at his actions, but none of them outright told him to _stop_ , much less moved to make him do so. And when it all was over, Yang had wondered if _Jaune_ would be okay. What about Oscar? No one asked if he'd be alright, if he'd been hurt. Not even the vaguest reassurance about what Jaune had done.

And honestly? He couldn't blame them. Couldn't blame Jaune for being mad at him either. Why worry over someone whose demise seemed an inevitability? Could he truly be trusted when sometimes even he had difficulty sorting out his thoughts from Oz? How could he blame them, when he thought those very same things?

Something caught his attention out the corner of his eye, and when he turned to look, he found a clothing shop display brightly lit in front of him. There, proudly displayed in the window, was a rugged, pale-green jacket, decorated with auburn shoulders. Something about it transfixed him, the image of himself donning the combat jacket clear in his mind. The image faded from a growing farm boy to a bespectacled, white-haired man in a comfortable, dark-green suit. And then once more to a young man with dark hair, garbed in fine steel armor over an emerald tunic.

Oscar shook his head, clearing his thoughts, his face contorting into a scowl as he stormed away from the storefront. Was this to be his life now? His every thought, decision and action influenced and made by the spirit that had latched onto his own? He should just go home, forget this life; it was something that Ozma would never do. The comparison didn't bring him as much comfort as he thought it might. Was that not just his influence too? What did _he_ want to do? Were they truly different things? Would he ever even be able to tell?

His body wandered as his mind did, and eventually he found himself in a park, nestled away in the middle of the city. A few people milled around in the mid-afternoon, resting on the benches, playing around in the open space, or admiring the statue which looked over the area from one end of the way. He found himself drawn towards it, the noise of the city and its people fading away as he neared, staring up at the bronze-wrought figure. His eyes fell to the plaque mounted before the statue's base when he reached it.

IN HONOR OF  
PYRRHA NIKOS  
ONE OF THE MANY STUDENTS  
WHO FOUGHT VALLIANTLY AT  
THE FALL OF BEACON

He raised his gaze back up to the familiar visage. He had never met her.

_"Professor... if you don't mind my asking, why have you called me here?"_

He had heard so much about her. Perhaps not in words, but in feeling. A passing reminder, a hushed whisper, a sad smile and brushed away tears. He had felt a deep sorrow, bottomless regret, from within his own mind when he had first arrived in Haven; when Ozpin had been reunited with his students, but not her. And he knew.

_"I'll do it - If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden... that's what you wanted, isn't it?"_

He had sentenced her to death. Choice? There hadn't been any real choice. Not for her. Not for him. Not for Ozpin. Not for any who came before. But what about now? Ozma had gone quiet. His voice not compelling him to continue his eons-old mission; the fight that was more personal than he had told anyone in centuries. Could he not choose to forget it, just this once? What difference would one farm boy make compared to everyone else who had taken up arms in his name?

_"Thank you, Professor Ozpin. But I would never have made it this far without my teammates."_

Oscar's fist clenched at his side, still staring up at the statue of a girl consumed by his war. Maybe he was Ozma, maybe he wasn't. Maybe Oscar would just cease to be someday, maybe he wouldn't. Maybe a farm boy couldn't make much of a difference, but maybe he could. Was it what he wanted to do, or was it just Ozma's influence still acting on him? Was he being consumed, or were they truly similar in that way? He didn't know. He probably never would.

But Ozma hadn't wanted to tell them the truth. _Oscar_ had. For now, at least, there was something they disagreed on. He couldn't know if that would always be the case, but for now, he decided he didn't care. He wouldn't run away. He would do whatever he could to help in this fight.

He breathed out, relaxing his clenched hands, managing a smile up at the statue, "I'm sorry. And thank you."

Oscar ran back to the store he'd passed by before, immediately requesting the jacket in the window. Soon he was standing in front of a mirror, his worn-out shirt replaced with a fresh button-up, suspenders done away in favor of a thick belt and slacks, even a new pair of shin-high boots. And of course, the jacket he'd picked it all to go with. Staring into the mirror, he felt... stronger. His shoulders looked broader than he remembered. Maybe he really could do this.

"It looks good on you!" the attendant who'd helped him put the outfit together declared approvingly.

Oscar blushed a bit at the compliment, turning to her with a smile, "You think?"

"Yes! Green is definitely your colour!"

_"Green really was your colour," Salem hummed, reaching a hand up to tug at the collar of my coat; frowning disapprovingly at the deep blue colour._

_I smile down at her, her head lain across my lap, silvery hair spilling over my legs, "What, I don't look good in blue?"_

_"I didn't say that," she said quickly, lightly swatting my chest with a giggle, "Just... not as good as in green."_

"Sir?"

Oscar came out of his daze with a start, noticing the shop girl looking at him concernedly.

"Sorry, were you saying something?"

The girl stared at him a moment longer, frowning a bit still, "Will you be purchasing this outfit?"

"I-..." he raised an arm, looking over the deep green of the sleeve in contemplation, "Yes. I'd like to buy the whole thing."

The girl smiled again, her concern seemingly forgotten as she gave a nod, "Wonderful! This way, and I'll ring you up."

His brand-new pockets were suitably empty walking out of the store. And somehow, despite wearing something heavier than he had in ages, each step Oscar took back to the house felt light. Perhaps it was growth, or maybe just ignorance, but the resolution he'd come to brought a rush of relief to his mind. The doubt and fear was still there, but he was determined not to let it hold him back. He would continue on this journey he'd begun, help those he'd joined with. He felt a smile at the certainty that he _wanted_ to help the team, however he could.

Maybe with dinner, for a start, he decided when he felt his stomach growl. Turning the corner onto Saphron and Terra's street, he blinked owlishly at the sight that greeted him; Qrow was passed out on their front steps.

"Qrow? Are you alright?" Oscar asked, crouching beside him.

Qrow just growled out something incomprehensible, shifting away from the voice. Reaching out, Oscar shook his shoulder, calling his name again. A louder incomprehensible growl, sounding more annoyed than before, along with a flailing arm swatting him away, was the response he got. Sighing in defeat, Oscar rose back up, moving to continue up the stairs, distracted when he heard something clattering to the ground. Looking back down, he saw that Qrow had turned over again, a few Lien tiles having fallen out of his pocket.

His chin throbbed dully, reminding him of the blow he'd taken for Ozpin the day before, at Qrow's hand. Really, just anyone could pass by, see the Lien scattered over the steps, and take it for themselves; Oscar was doing Qrow a favour by collecting and keeping the money safe. And if Qrow never noticed? Well, he was the group's general overseer, so managing supplies and the like, such as a new combat jacket, would fall to him. And he somehow doubted anyone else would complain about the appropriation of cash that would otherwise likely be dumped into a bottle.

Leaving the drunkard on the steps for now, Oscar opened the front door, stepping inside the house, "Do you guys know Qrow is passed out on the steps?" he called out, greeted by silence.

Wandering around he found that, despite all the lights being on and the door unlocked, no one seemed to be home. Well, wherever everyone had gone, might as well have a nice hot meal for them when they got back. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge to look through what was available, their host couple certainly having no shortage of supplies in their kitchen. Looking through the cabinets, he found a large casserole dish, perfect for making a large batch for everyone to share. Setting the oven to start heating up, he went about preparing dinner.

Oscar enjoyed cooking, finding it relaxing to go about preparing the ingredients, laying them in the dish. It took his mind off things, taking him back to the farm he'd grown up on, his thoughts more fondly nostalgic than longing regret now. His aunt had taught him to cook, and when she thought he was good enough, they took turns preparing dinner. He thought he'd gotten pretty good at it himself; hopefully the others agreed when they got back.

A memory flashed through his mind, and he saw himself setting a large pot of stew down on the table for his eager family. Further back still, gently telling a castle chef that he could cook for himself just fine despite the man's objections, other servants in the background trying to corral his eager children from running about the kitchens. Further still, and the memory of the scent of overcooked eggs lingered with him.

Finishing preparing the casserole, and finding that the oven had gotten up to temperature, he slid the dish inside, setting a timer after closing it back up. With nothing left to do but wait, Oscar found himself wondering where the others had all gone. He recalled that Ruby had been worried about Qrow when he'd left with the others, maybe they'd gone looking for him? Well, he was back now, so they'd return to find him soon enough.

For the moment, however, he was alone with his thoughts yet again. He had found his resolve, set aside his own doubts, insecurities and fears to push onward with the others, if only for the moment. But those were only his own most personal concerns. What then, of the fears he knew everyone on this mission carried in equal measure? The fear of fighting an enemy that they had been told they could not defeat. Could not kill...

 _I drag my body out of the rubble, lungs choked with ash making every painful gasp for breath exhausting. Gone. Everything is gone. Every_ one _is gone. My body and heart are broken, but perhaps this is the price for our hubris. I try to stand, only to feel a foot digging into my side, roughly forcing me onto my back, before stepping down on my chest. Looking up through the tears, I see her glaring down at me, hate burning in her eyes. I thought I'd reduced her to ashes, yet now she stands over me, completely unharmed._

_I look over my new cane as the body of a Grimm fades away beneath me. It's different than the staff I'd carried for so long, but I'm growing used to it quickly. With my magic seemingly waning with each passing life, I need to find more efficient uses of my powers than simply blasting my problems with raw energy. I twist in place, striking another Grimm that had been trying to sneak up on me. The blow stuns it, and I follow up with several rapid jabs to its body. The creature collapses, fading away into nothing. Not quite as deadly in hand as a blade, but I find the shape... comforting. I look up, the screams of my neighbours filling the air as they flee from the monsters invading our small village. I can kill them all, yet more will always come. They're more aggressive than I'd ever known them to be, and I know it's because of her. I failed before, but if I ever want this chaos to end, I need to find some way to kill her, once and for all._

_"You can't," I fall to my knees, Jinn's words echoing in my ears._

Kill. That's what everyone had been worried about. How can they win, if they can't kill Salem? But was that really the only way? Everyone seemed so certain that it was, witnessing the monster so consumed by her selfish desires, she had destroyed her own life without a second thought, and since waged war on mankind for centuries. Yet more than the terror, Oscar's mind lingered on the memories he'd dreamt recently. Not about a monster who terrorized the planet, but a woman in love... who he was in love with. Did he really _want_ to kill her?

Again, his thoughts were interrupted when he realized he could hear voices coming from just outside. When he opened the front door, he saw everyone he'd been wondering about earlier gathered outside, talking amongst themselves.

"Oh, I was... wondering when you'd get back," he said, stepping out onto the porch, smiling nervously at the collective surprise he saw on everyone's faces.

His mouth fell open slightly as they all cried out his name, sounding overjoyed to see him. They hadn't been out looking for _him_ , had they? His eyes narrowed when Nora let out a cry, shooting wide as he realized what was coming; the entire group surged up the stairs, barreling into him, knocking him flat on the floor inside in a huge group hug. Groaning under the pressure, he moved to stand as they all got off of him, Ruby extending a hand to help him to his feet.

"You had us worried sick!" Weiss cried, sounding every bit like a worried parent.

"Are you okay?!" Ruby followed immediately, perfectly mimicking her partner's concern.

"What're you wearing~?" Nora butted in, seeming far less preoccupied with his well-being.

Oscar could only rub the back of his head, blushing slightly under the scrutiny, letting out a nervous "Ah," as everyone who _hadn't_ tackled him made their way into the house.

"Is something cooking?" Terra asked, taking a couple sniffs of the air.

"Oh! Uh... yeah, I thought maybe you guys would appreciate a hot meal after..." he raised his arms in a shrug, smiling weakly, "spending all day looking for me, apparently..."

"It's my fault we were all out there in the first place," Jaune said, stepping forward, "Oscar... I am _so sorry_... for earlier... I was way, _way_ out of line, and what I said-"

"No," Oscar spoke up firmly, raising his hands up in a gesture for him to stop, "i-it's okay," he told him, told them all. Sucking in a deep breath, he tried to put his thoughts in order, "These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me," he said, looking down at his palms, before raising his gaze back up to the group, "but I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left."

"Good," Jaune said, smiling down at him, "this team isn't the same without you, Oscar."

Looking back into his eyes, Oscar didn't see any of the anger and hate from that morning, only compassion and sincerity. Hearing him say that, calling him a part of their team, it felt like more than he deserved. But he wanted to be there. He wanted to help. He wanted to be part of their team. To hear that maybe it wasn't just his desire alone, made him happy beyond belief.

Following a brief scare with the timer on his casserole, dinner was delayed slightly when Ruby got into an argument with her uncle. An argument which only intensified when Jaune proposed the absurd idea of _stealing_ an airship from the military base with which to fly to Atlas. So, what might have otherwise been a chance to unwind after a day spent worrying, turned into an impromptu planning session. It would take a few days to get everything settled, but by the time they were ready to turn in for the night, they had their plan.

"Thanks for dinner Oscar!" RWBY collectively called out as he headed upstairs to bed.

"It was delicious," Ren agreed as they got to the top of the stairs.

"Think you could cook for us again sometime?" Jaune asked.

"I'd be happy to," Oscar replied, gasping when Nora suddenly threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"So glad you're okay!" she told him happily, letting him go as the three entered their room, "Sleep tight!" she said, all three waving good night before closing their door.

Smiling after them, he turned around as Qrow stalked by, watching him enter their shared room, immediately falling onto his bed. Like the night before, Oscar couldn't tell if he was trying to sleep, or staring out the window. Qrow had been virtually silent all night since his argument with Ruby; he'd probably have gone to bed earlier if she hadn't demanded he stay and eat with them. Even if he hadn't participated in the planning at all.

Sitting on his bed, Oscar slipped off his boots before falling down onto his pillow, the blow he'd taken yesterday thankfully not hurting nearly as much. Smiling to himself, he let out a yawn as he stared up at the ceiling, eyes closing to let sleep come to him. The next few days would be pretty crazy, and he'd need his sleep. He was part of a team, after all, and had to do his part.

And after that? Once they had a ship and had made their way to Atlas? What would come after they had secured the lamp in the vault there? What would they do once all that remained was a hopeless fight that they had simply managed to prolong? He returned to the thoughts he'd come to earlier; his hesitance at the idea of killing Salem, impossible as that seemed to be. Maybe though, there was another way? A way to stop Salem besides just killing her?

He hadn't the slightest idea what that could possibly be, yet the thought of the possibility somehow felt comforting. They needed to focus on just getting the lamp to Atlas, but once that was done, and they were planning their next move? Maybe he could bring this up to the others. Maybe there was still hope, somewhere out there in the world. For now though, there was a heist to prepare for, and he needed sleep.

Part of him was hoping he'd have another dream about her.

* * *

 

_I've never felt so utterly miserable in my life. Everything hurts, every inch of my body in agony. My flesh feels too hot, soaked in sweat, every muscle aching, my head throbbing, my throat on fire, lungs like lead weights in my chest, stomach a roiling storm. Distantly, I wonder what I may have done to invoke the wrath of the Gods that they visited such pain upon me._

_The one silver lining to my misery, is her. Salem has been there with me, every moment of every day since this affliction first struck. At least, she's always there when I'm conscious. I haven't noticed our supplies waning significantly, and a steady stream of healers have come and gone since I took ill; I can only imagine she tends to these things when my mind sinks into darkness. Which has been happening more and more often, I think. It's hard to tell. The days, weeks... moments, bleed together, time losing all meaning with the pain echoing in my head._

_But still, she is there for me. Cleaning my body with cool cloths, keeping me as comfortable as I imagine is possible in my state, making sure I keep up with the medicines left by the myriad healers she has summoned, helping me to eat what little I'm able to keep down. I feel as though I'm dying, but if my time has come, I take comfort in that I've known such dedication, such love._

_"Salem," I croak out her name, drawing her attention as she applies a soothing balm to my chest; I find it doesn't have any real effect anymore._

_"Hmm?" she raises her gaze, smiling down at me warmly, but I can see how worn down she is. I know she's barely slept in days, always rushing about, not wanting to leave me unattended for even a moment longer than absolutely necessary; whether that necessity being fetching a healer, or finding rest for herself._

_"I love you."_

_She blinks, looking slightly confused, and a little concerned by my sudden declaration, "I love you too," she responds nonetheless._

_"I just... wanted you to know..." I lurch forward, cut off by a fit of harsh, dry coughs, each one multiplying the pain in my chest and throat exponentially, "i-in case I... don't recover..." I fall back onto my pillow with a weak grunt, eyes shut tight from the pain, "Thank you... for caring for me so..."_

_"...don't say that..." I manage to open my eyes, looking up at her. She has her head turned away from me, "Please, don't say that," she turns to look down at me again, and I feel my heart break on top of everything at the sorrow in her teary eyes, "You're going to get better. You're going to get better, and we're going to go on so many more wonderful adventures together!" she cries adamantly, "So please... don't say such things... don't leave me..." a weak sob, "What would I ever do without you?"_

_I pray, with all my heart, that she is able to find happiness again when I'm gone, "Whatever you want."_

_Her breath hitches, lip quivering as she fights to keep more tears from spilling, "What I want," she reaches down, gently cupping my face, "is for you to focus on getting better..."_

_"Thank you... for taking such good care of me," I tell her again, leaning into the touch._

_Salem smiles at me weakly, tears streaming down her cheeks, "Of course. I'll always be there for you."_

_I can't find the strength to speak any further, feeling my consciousness drifting away again. I hope she knows, that I feel the same._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this actually started with me thinking, "What if Oscar developed a crush on Salem because of Ozma's memories of life with her seeping into his head?"  
> Then I wound up writing a bunch of existential angst on top of that. Well, it was a twisted idea, and I suck at angst besides, but hopefully at least a few people who read this liked at least some of it? Thank you for reading.


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